Embracing Demons
by kidswithguns91
Summary: In order to flee her demons, Katniss returns to the Capitol in attempts to rebuild the fallen nation. Yet upon her return to District 12, she learned to embrace her demons, especially the one living next door.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

* * *

She couldn't stay here anymore. Means of escape seemed ill-advised; even her doctor said sweeping her problems under the carpet wouldn't do anything, they'd always be there. It was best to confront the fears that plagued her dreams every night. But in the meantime all she could do was ignore them, forget they ever existed and pretended along with them she did not exist as well. This lifestyle wouldn't do. She couldn't spend the rest of her days deteriorating in front of the fireplace. If only there was a way to make it all go away, to have all her fears gone in an instant. Then she came up with an idea that could make it possible.

After the rebellion Panem was left in shambles. President Paylor imposed something called the Movement where people all over would help rebuild their country from the ground up. Katniss wanted to be a part of this. Haymitch was completely against it, arguing that she was completely unstable. Katniss argued back, saying she wanted to make a difference, to help people. The approval she needed was from her doctor.

At first he wasn't so sure. She then swayed him with the idea that it would help her face her phobias. He agreed, coming up with the conclusion that exposure therapy could be a good attempt to bring Katniss closer to sanity. When he explained how this process was indeed faster at ridding her fears yet less efficient and more traumatic, it left her afraid. But it was a chance she was going to take. The sooner her phobias were gone the better. What set the approval in stone was after she agreed to have therapy weekly sessions with her doctor once she arrived. It would be the only way she could leave for the Capitol.

"Will I be able to see Peeta?" she asked Dr. Aurelius hopefully. Peeta was still at the Capitol having therapy sessions himself with Dr Aurelius.

"I'm afraid that would interfere with his recovery," he told her, meaning she would most likely be the cause of another violent flashback.

President Paylor was hesitant at first to allow Katniss to be part of the Movement committee. Though after Plutarch implanted the idea of utilizing the Mockingjay to encourage the broken citizens of Panem and recruit more volunteers, Katniss was shortly after admitted into the committee.

The first week at the Capitol was composed of hourly meetings where members of the committee tossed around ideas. It was nearly impossible to squeeze in time for Dr. Aurelius, but Katniss knew that was her only condition during her stay in the Capitol. She decided to schedule it on a Sunday where all members were relieved from their duties.

The meetings proved to be a good distraction for Katniss. And feeling as if she had a purpose made every morning a little easier to wake up to. Everyone came to agreement that the Movement was an excellent idea. But it would take more than just devising blue prints and construction. A form of government had to be found and agreed open. So far everyone had found Plutarch's idea of government acceptable; a republic where the people of each district and the Capitol can elect their own representatives to be their voice in a centralized government.

"It's like running a corporation," Plutarch began to explain.

"The corporation is one large entity made up into different departments. Each department has a manager that supervises that particular department. Their responsibility is to keep that department running smoothly. If each manager succeeds with this responsibilty in each department, then the entire corporation will be stable." It seemed to make sense.

"Of course we have the president to oversee the entire corporation, or in our case, all of Panem," Plutarch nodded in Paylor's direction.

A fellow member brought forth another idea: "What if we were to have a government in which all of the citizens of the nation together determined public policy, the laws and the actions of their state? This would require that all citizens have an equal opportunity to express their opinion."

Katniss glowed at the notion of all of Panem's citizens having a voice. For so long they were silenced, having the Capitol speak for them and being completely stripped of their rights. To have a say of what goes and what doesn't made her excited.

"Like a democracy," Plutarch clarified.

Everyone seemed to be leaning towards this suggestion but hesitated due to the frown on the Gamemaker's face.

"A democracy probably wouldn't be suitable for the reconstruction of our nation. Our ancestor's founding father's of their nation stated that a democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where a majority may take away rights of the remaining minority. Panem first constructed a democracy before the Dark Days and, as we all know, a rebellion occurred. We wouldn't want history to repeat itself."

He then presented documentations of historical events that occurred in Panem along with events from their ancestors. It was fascinating to see that Plutarch had record of all these documents of their predecessors. In conclusion he stated, "The republic is the only form of government which is not enternally at open or secret war with the rights of mankind." After more brainstorming and ideas it seemed like everyone came to the same agreement.

"Alright, moving forward," Paylor said, closing the topic for good.

"Next is developing a form of economy." Katniss thought this process would be fairly easy since Panem already carried a currency. Yet only those from who lived in the Capitol or victors from the Games actually handled the currency. Ideas were thrown around immediately. Eventually they brainstormed an economic system that would consist of an organization of production to directly satisfy economic demands and human needs, so that goods and services would be produced directly for use. Distribution of output would be based on the principle of individual contribution.

"So what you're saying is that people will be rewarded based on the amount they contribute to the social product," Katniss clarified.

There were muffled words of confirmation. "But how will we know how much each individual has contributed? It seems like everyone has to bring forth the same amount of contribution to get equal distribution." Plutarch made a sound that had everyone's head turn. "This sounds a lot like socialism," he chuckled. "And our ancestors were against it," he added. Immediately Katniss wanted to support the idea of socialism, not agreeing with how her supposed ancestors left this country. "Why?" she then implored before acting irrationally.

"Back then our ancestors believed in private property and a decentralized government. The idea of having government regulation didn't go too well with them. And there haven't been any successful socialist economies if we were to omit the countries who had mixed economies," the old Gamemaker elucidated. It seemed like Plutarch knew his history well.

Katniss pondered this for a moment. "I guess this form of economy would conflict with our government," Katniss admitted.

The topic did not come to a clean conclusion. Others were for it while the remaining were against it. Katniss wasn't even sure where she stood. All she knew was that she wanted every citizen in Panem to have their own opportunity but didn't know how to form that into words. Soon a civil debate turned into a heated argument and Paylor had to end the meeting leaving the topic undecided.

Before Katniss had a chance to clear from the Community room and head to her quarters Plutarch pulled her aside. Once he started talking to her about speeches and orations, Katniss became queasy. "I'm not sure if you noticed, but I'm terrible with words," she told him, recalling her time in District 13 where they began to film the propos. Plutarch seemed to disregard this. But Katniss explained that she was hoping for some more hands-down interaction like helping with constructing buildings and paving roads.

"Don't worry, you'll do great! Panem still hasn't forgotten their Mockingjay," Plutarch assured her, but she didn't feel relieved at all. He told her that she would need a little fixing up in order to get her camera ready. She didn't quite understand what he meant, and wondered if she would ever spend her life away from the cameras.

When Katniss came to her room, her prep team was already waiting for her. She let out a petulant sigh, hoping she could spend the remainder of the day in solitude. "Are you here to make me pretty?" she asked and her team beamed at her in response. Before she could even step further into her room she was immediately whisked away to a station that looked strikingly similar to the one she was prepped in before the Hunger Games and Quarter Quell. Her hands began to tingle as she associated all the horrible memories from this room, from those events. She hadn't realized she was trembling when Venia placed a calming hand on Katniss's shoulder. "Don't worry, we're not going to hurt you." Her chest swelled as she recalled the time she found her team shackled against a wall in 13, how they feared her. And now here they were, beaming down at her on the examine table like adoring parents. At that moment her relationship with them took an unspoken leap of undying friendship. Octavia's fingers swiped at her cheek before Katniss realized she was crying. "Thank you," she muttered and allowed her eyes to slip close and fall into oblivion.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2  
**

* * *

Katniss awoke from a foggy haze but squeezed her eyes shut when a bright light from above pierced them. "Oh I'm sorry dear," she heard Venia say from the fog and the light was gone. She fluttered her eyes open, taking in her surroundings as she began to come to. Her prep team still had her laying on the table, Octavia currently adjusting her cuticles and Flavius snipping away at the tips of her hair which draped loosely over the edge of the table. Venia returned with a glass of water, directing the straw to her lips. Katniss sipped hungrily at the cool water suddenly thirsty. Once her thirst was quenched she retreated from the glass and gave Venia a silent thank you.

An awkward sensation from the neck down took Katniss by confusion and she thought it best to move her stiff limbs. But she couldn't. As soon as she twitched a finger a tearing pinch shot up her arm and she bit her lip to stifle any sudden outcry. Her skin felt like it was stretched tight over her entire body and if she were to move the fragile tissue would tear. "What did you guys do? Wax me?" she asked her prep team recalling the horrendous process of the removal of all her body hair. "There wasn't any hair to get rid of," Flavius chimed almost sounding overjoyed from this statement. "Not after the fire-" Octavius shot him a look and he instantly shut his mouth. His eyes flashed apologetically at Katniss and she accepted it silently. "We did something better," she heard Venia say above the busy hands of her team. "But you'll have to stay still for me," she said.

Katniss tried to remain frozen but the sensation drove her insane. All she wanted to do was bolt from the table and literally jump out of her skin. "I don't think I can stand this much longer," she said through gritted teeth. Venia gave a curt nod and left the station. Once she returned Katniss started to feel something percolate through her system causing a powerful drowsiness to envelop her. It wasn't long when she slipped away and she barely caught Venia's words, "Just a while longer."

Once she came to again she found herself strewn across a plush lounge chair in her room. Rising slowly onto her elbows she was suddenly overwhelmed by the inhabitants occupying her room. There were dozens of mannequins adorned in the most beautiful dresses and gowns Katniss's eyes ever laid on. To the left of the mannequins was an enormous rack holding every kind of high heel imaginable. Katniss couldn't help leaving from the lounger to examine the shoes, letting femininity take over. There were heels adorned with bows and laces woven in fabrics and ruffles, decked in sparkling jewels. Peep toes, stilettos, pumps, wedges, kitten heels, prism heels, booted heels with intricate lacing at the front. There were even bedazzled flats that Katniss was dying to try on. She could have spent hours slipping her feet into these shoes. To the right of the mannequins was a large vanity mirror sporting palletes of makeup for each feature. Heads wearing wigs of different colors, lengths and styles waited on the vanity's counter. On its wall were pinned strands of hair with various colors and lengths.

She approached the vanity mirror, getting ready to analyze the infinite pallete of eye shadow when her reflection caught her. A gasp tore from her lips and her hands flew to her hair. Her length was gone. The frazzled ends had been snipped off to a texturized point resting just above her clavicle. She had a beautiful mid-length hair style, her hair layered so it fell nicely with the rest of the strands. Although her hair was breathtaking, she couldn't help but feel an emptiness without the feeling of her locks swishing at her back. She caught herself wiping away her tears, mourning the lost hair. It was as if she lost a part of her.

"What do you think?" Flavius burst into the room, startling Katniss out of her grieving. "It's different," was all she managed to say but by the look on his face she quickly recovered by adding, "but it's beautiful." His look of terrified concern was replaced by the usual beam that her team had been wearing this entire day. He patted at the chair in front of the vanity. "Sit, sit," he beckoned and she seated herself before the mirror. Katniss was taken back by the clearness of her skin. There was no blemish or spot in sight and her skin tone was perfectly even. Before arriving to the Capitol, Katniss didn't keep up with her daily hygiene. There were times she didn't bathe herself as she sat before the fireplace wasting away. It was refreshing to see a clear faced girl looking back at her. Depsite the thinness of her face Katniss almost looked healthy.

Flavius came towards her with the strands of hair lengths pinned on the wall in his hands. "I know the hair is a lot to take in, but there was only so much I could salvage," he explained to her and Katniss did not realize how much damage she had to her hair. "I cut it so over time it will grow back to its original healthy length. But in the meantime we'll use these," he said holding up the strands of hair. "What are they?" Katniss asked as she eyed the lengths warily. "They're extensions," Flavius replied. "You'll have long hair in no time." Katniss couldn't find the will to argue with him. She never had the will to battle with her team. Whenever they prepped her she automatically surrendered herself to their hands and let them have their way with her. So far she was never disappointed with the results and found it best not argue with the hair stylist.

He began to part her hair and apply the extensions. This pattern continued and Katniss lost count of how many extensions he pinned to her hair. Once he finished her heart stopped when she saw she had flowing hair again, thicker than ever before. The hair stylist explained the she could remove them whenever she wanted but it would require his hands to pry the extensions from her scalp. "You can do anything with it; curl it, make it wavy, leave it straight, wear it up. All the possibilies!" he exclaimed and Katniss couldn't help laughing. Flavius then began to use a radial brush with bristles at the end, turning her long layered locks into big tantalizing curls. Katniss could hardly recognize herself as he transformed her right before her eyes.

She was at a loss of words and Flavius gave her a kiss on the head and tittered out of the room. Octavious came hurling in after him exclaiming at Katniss's hairstyle. Tears sprang in her eyes and she vocally reminisced the 'old days' and how it held such splendor. Katniss decided not to voice her opinion. Octavious was a former Capitolite that was raised into the Capitol's ways. She didn't know any better and had the right to recollect the life that was stripped from her after the rebellion.

She then began to give Katniss tips on how to do a natural look with little makeup and time required. There wasn't much adjustment to her features and Octavious was out of the room shortly after.

Venia then entered. Katniss wondered what other alteration she would do to her and couldn't think of any more adjustments she needed as she surveyed her reflection. The angular woman approached her with a grim expression on her face. "I'll be your new stylist from here on out," she told her and Katniss's heart clenched as she recalled her previous stylist Cinna. The lamentation reflected in Venia's eyes and she sniffled, avoiding a tearful session.

"Do you like the dresses?" she asked Katniss as she helped her from her seat. This time her team allowed her the decency to wear a robe that felt soft and smooth against her skin. Katniss nodded wordlessly as Venia steered her towards the mannequins. "See any you like?" She gave her new stylist a startled expression, astonished that she was given the liberty to choose to her liking. Her eyes scanned over the countless dresses and gowns, all so beautiful and elegant, but Katniss couldn't make up her mind. "I don't know, there's so many," she admitted and laughed softly. Venia took a moment to observe the formal wear and then her eyes suddenly lit up when they fell on a specific mannequin.

The mannequin wore a cream colored strapless dress. It had a low neckline, the domed dress exuding grace and elegance with its fitted waist and hips and a gentle flaring at the knees in extravagant ruffles. The ruffles reminded her of a beautiful splaying fishtail wavering like silk in water. "I think this is perfect for your figure. With a small bust and waist this dress will fit you like a glove," Venia explained when Katniss stared dumbfounded at the magnificent article of clothing. "Let's try it on, shall we?" she suggested, walking behind her and slowly pulling the robe from her shoulders.

The dress was a simple zip up and Venia had been right; the dress fit her perfectly. It clung to her curves and hugged her breasts, preventing it from sliding down. Katniss felt like a goddess in the dress and walked around her room as instructed. With as much grace as she could muster, Katniss moved smoothly across her floor. "Beautiful. The ruffles make it look like a swimming fish," Venia smiled warmly. She then directed Katniss to a wall length mirror in her room so they could admire her in the dress together.

Katniss's heartbeat quickened as she stared at her reflection in bewilderment. The dress's granduer failed to meet her eyes. Instead she stared at her once marred skin now flawlessly smooth and free of any damage. She did nothing but gape and felt her throat tighten. All she could manage were small choked sounds as she found it hard to breathe.

"Why did you do this to me?" Katniss choked out. Before Venia could ask what she was referring to, Katniss tore out of the dress leaving her naked. Nothing. There was no proof that Katniss had gone through the Hunger Games, the Quarter Quell, and the explosion from the rebellion. All evidence of her suffering had been completely erased. "Why?" she asked once more. Her voice trembled. The breath in her chest became shallow. Katniss was slowly crumbling, feeling the walls close in and her vision blacken at the edges. "I thought you'd be happy," she barely heard Venia's words as her hearing started to dissipate.

She felt Venia take hold of her arms as Katniss's knees gave way. She suddenly felt sick, the bile bubbling up her throat and threatening to spew forth. All consciousness flew from her as the world around was fading. She was going to faint.

The two were snapped back into reality when Plutarch came bursting into the room. "I assume she's ready!" his voice rang through the room. Venia instantly shielded Katniss's crumpled form and Plutarch was reduced to a blubbering mess as he witnessed the sight before him. He managed an apology and told them to be ready in five. Katniss gave Venia a confused expression. An unspoken conversation occurred as they looked at one another and Katniss began to panic.

"I don't think I can do it," she told Venia when she realized Plutarch wanted her to be camera ready. "It'll be quick, I promise," her stylist assured. She then gently ushered her back into the dress. Katniss felt numb as the rest of her prep team slipped her feet into shoes she didn't care about anymore. As they wrapped a floral diamond wreath necklace around her neck, laying heavy on her chest.

What Plutarch failed to inform Katniss was that she was to air in a broadcast discussing the Movement. Her numbness left her pliable and she was able to easily speak with a soft smile, reading the words smoothly from the teleprompter set before her. No retakes of the scene was necessary; she had executed perfectly. Once she was off the set, she escaped her prep team before they could get to her. Venia looked as like she were holding back tears. But Katniss didn't care at the moment. All she knew was that she was going to erupt and break into a million pieces.

She was surprised to find herself at Dr. Aurelius's office. Her knocks were frantic against the mahogany door. After a few moments the door swung open. Her moment of a meltdown was interrupted when she saw the person who held the door open for her.

At first she was unrecognizable. It was a woman with dazzling blue eyes and golden hair. The way she pursed her lips had Katniss gasping. Effie Trinket. Without the ridiculous wig and heavily applied makeup, her old escort looked so much younger. Yet the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes shown that she had seen her years. She was no longer dressed in silly Capitol clothes. Effie was beautiful. Before she could invite her in Katniss threw her arms around her and began to cry.

Effie let out a cry of astonishment. "Honestly Katniss! Where are your manners?" she exclaimed and Katniss couldn't help but laugh. It was wonderful to see Effie again. Katniss choked out an apology and pried herself off her escort, wiping the mess from her face. "It's so good to see you again," she told her and Effie gave her a motherly smile. "You too dear," she said and brought her into another embrace.

"How's Haymitch?" she asked as they parted from their hug. Katniss quirked an eyebrow at her escort and was surprised to see her blush. "Drunk, as usual," came her reply. Effie's brow furrowed in concern but Katniss quickly added, "aside from that he's fine. He's devoted his life to raising geese now." Effie slightly smiled at her comment and then admitted, "I miss him. I miss our little duo." And with that she exited the room leaving Katniss standing forlornly at the doorway.

Suddenly she felt rude, obviously being the intruder of a session Effie was having with Dr. Aurelius. "Please do come in," came his pertrubed voice. Katniss quickly offered an apology and began to turn on her heels when the doctor stopped her. "I don't think so. You didn't come all this way just to interrupt a session with another patient," he told her. Her shoulders sagged in defeat and she slowly sauntered into the room. Dr. Aurelius motioned to have her sit in an easy chair set before him. Katniss immediately obliged, feeling she was now at his disposal.

He raised an inquistive brow at her but she merely sat in silence, staring at her perfectly manicured nails. After a moment of stillness she heard him puff. "Well?" he pressed. Katniss mumbled an apology once more, but was still at a loss of words. Dr. Aurelius broke the ice by then commenting on her appearance. "You look very nice," he told her. "I hate it," she instantly spat. His eyebrows raised up to his receding hairline, but other than that he didn't look too alarmed.

"And why is that?" he inquired. Katniss shook her head, disallowing any hysteria to rise to the surface. "I'm perfect," was all she got out, balling her hands into fists. "I don't understand," came his response and he gave her a look cuing her to elucidate. "They got rid of all of my," she tapered off at the end. Her hands finished the sentence as they motioned over her body's entirety. "Your scars?" he guessed and Katniss gave him a silent nod. "Why does that upset you?" It was a mandatory question that was routine in every psychiatric session but she detected curiosity in the doctor's voice.

Swallowing hard, she replied, "I wanted them to stay there; to remind me." With that Dr. Aurelius started scribbling away at the clipboard poised in his cross-legged lap. This annoyed Katniss. It felt like he wasn't really listening. After he had finished with whatever he'd scrawled down he then gave her a professional look. "You can't be constantly punishing yourself Katniss."

"I'm not punishing myself," she defended but by the look on his face it seemed Dr. Aurelius wasn't convinced. "Yes you are. You feel as if it's necessary to have a physical reminder of your pain in order to replicate the pain you _think_ you caused for everyone else." She winced at his words. He wasn't too far from home. He analyzed her features carefully and was surprised to see him smile.

"You know Katniss, emotional scars are deeper than physical ones. They are far more skin deep and will take more time to heal than it did to heal your burns," he told her. For some reason, this made her feel slightly better. Although she wouldn't be able to see them, her pain would always be there. She needed this reminder. It would take years before she would ever forgive herself. "Besides, showing off your battle scars is a bit narcissistic," he added with a quivering smile and Katniss couldn't help but scowl. Like she would ever parade around exposing the scars from the explosive flames. "Is there anything else?" Dr. Aurelius asked, pulling her from her thoughts. She shook her head. "Alright then, see you on Sunday," he said, signaling her farewell.

Upon entering her room she immediately stripped out of the dress, violently discarding it to the ground as if it were poisonous. Finding a suitable night gown, she climbed into bed, pulling the blankets over her head. A soft knock came at the door but she ignored it, pretending to be asleep. It was probably Venia behind the mahogany doors, coming to apologize. Perhaps she shouldn't have been so harsh. It wasn't her fault, she was only trying to make her beautiful. At the moment Katniss didn't care, disregarding the second knock that came a little louder. Time passed by. There wasn't another knock. Katniss was released from her brooding and fell asleep. That night she dreamt of all the monsters she'd encountered carving into her flawless unmarred skin. The dream had been so realistic that when she bolted upright in her bed she could still feel their claws raking into her flesh. Her stomach twisted when she realized the dream hadn't frightened her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3  
**

* * *

"Before we begin any type of treatment," Dr. Aurelius began at the opening of their first session, "we'll need to first understand your..." he faltered at the end and gave Katniss a long, studied look. She had the feeling he was being sarcastic. "Disorder," he finished, finding the appropriate word for whatever was wrong with Katniss.

"I do understand it," she responded. Hopefully they could speed up this mundane process and get to the roots of her problem. "It's trauma," she said but felt unsure as he resumed his scrutinizing expression. "Right?" she asked insecurely. "Post-traumatic stress," he clarified. "As you can assume this occurs when an individual experiences a traumatic event that involves the threat of injury or death." As Dr. Aurelius drawled on further explaining the disorder Katniss felt like a bored student tuning out a monotonous professor.

"People like you," he snapped her out of her haze, "develop this disorder."

"Like me?" she wasn't quite sure he understood. "Veterans of war," he simplified.

"So for your treatment," he began, adjusting his spectacles, "under your discretion of course and not by the advisement of your doctor," he pretentiously added. Katniss frowned. She didn't want to be lectured on how well she responded to authority. Yes, it was a significant weakness of hers, but she wasn't concerned with that at the moment. "Let me express extreme caution before we start any flooding therapy. It's imperative that you are aware of what you will be required to do during treatment. After I explain, by any means if you feel any discomfort I will not be against choosing another method of treatment. But initially it's up to you. Once you decide, there's no going back." Her heart raced after he wrapped up his warning. Perhaps she hadn't thought it through enough. She was beginning to doubt herself as anxiety set in, reminding herself why she decided to do it this way. "Okay," was all she said and waited for him to continue.

"What we'll be doing is exposing you to environments where your fears are at its worst." He caught her fearful expression. "Keep in mind, under controlled conditions and a few relaxation techniques, eventually we'll be able to replace your fears with relaxation," he assured. "This is more like a simulation than the actual event. It's always helpful to remind yourself that you're safe." Katniss recalled the medics in 13, constantly assuring the patients that they were safe. The thought made her good spirits curl in on itself.

Dr. Aurelius then required Katniss to compose a list of her fears. Staring at the blank paper before her, she found it difficult to actually write them down. When he suggested that the treatment was going to be completely physical and sensory she decided to associate her fears with events. When she was finished with her list it consisted of the settings where these events occurred. The arenas from the Hunger Games and Quarter Quell. The Capitol's sewer system. And former President Snow's mansion. As soon as Dr. Aurelius stated they would be visiting these places she blanched. Everything seemed to be easier said than done. But if she wanted a speedy recovery, she would have to commit to this therapy no matter how frightening it would be. This meant daily sessions with him. After her meetings in the Community room she was instructed to immediately head for his office so they could get started.

Her doctor went over relaxation exercises that Katniss found a little ridiculous. She was told to touch each finger with her thumb. This was a way for the patient to grasp a sense of reality if disassociation would occur. They always went over breathing exercises where Katniss had to breathe in a large intake of air and exhale slowly. It seemed as if an hour went by practicing these silly exercises when he surprised her with their sudden departure to the sewers.

It didn't go well. After that encounter Dr. Aurelius suggested Katniss get some rest and excused her from sessions for an entire week.

After enduring a week of mindless meetings that went nowhere, Katniss was ready to continue her treatment. Her second encounter went a lot better than expected. As the two of them toured the sewers she found that the relaxation techniques were helpful and whenever she felt a panic attack emerging she would immediately stop in her tracks and touch her fingers to her thumb, breathing methodically. Each day they returned to the Capitol's bowels, covering more ground with each visit. Eventually Katniss was able to venture through the underground depths without Dr. Aurelius's words to guide her back to sanity. It still frightened her, but she was able to amble through the confining darkness without breaking down.

Once a month had gone by her doctor was confident that their sessions were no longer needed. "Looks like my work here is finished," he said and she detected a hint of accomplishment in his voice. "So I'm cured?" Katnissed asked hopefully. Dr. Aurelius let out a small chuckle. "Oh no. You're far from it. But at least now you have the tools to face your fears independently," he told her. "But remember, the hardest part is yet to come. We only dealt with the physical aspect of your fears. As for the mental, that's a whole other thing in itself. The best advice that I can give is to face your demons, and to face them healthily and rationally." Katniss nodded in agreement but didn't quite understand what he meant by healthily. "Good luck on your tour. If you need anything, I'm just a phone call away." And with that, their session had come to an end.

As soon as the nationwide broadcast of Katniss's encouragement to recruit volunteers was televised, the Movement begins and progresses at an alarming pace. The first step of the process was to provide a certain compensation to the many who volunteered. They were first provided enormous amounts of food that the Capitol had stockpiled for years. Trains brought crate after crate of non-perishable foods to each district, bringing strength and stamina to the citizens. Eventually monetary compensation was thrown in despite the fact that the formulation of an economy was still in the making. "We have to stimulate our broken economy some how," Plutarch shrugged as Katniss gave him a speculative look.

Katniss travelled from district to district starting at District 11 and continuing in descending order. She found it best to to leave District 12 for last, deciding that would be the time she would return home. After assassinating President Coin, she didn't think it was necessary to help restore District 13. At first Plutarch only wanted her to visit the districts for a short period of time, giving the citizens a few words of encouragement, but Katniss instantly recoiled from the idea. She practically had to arm wrestle him to be allowed to participate as well. "Let her help," Paylor said at the end of their struggle. "It builds character," she said with a smile and Katniss couldn't help but sneer at the Gamemaker, rubbing in her victory. They settled upon an agreement where Katniss would participate in reconstructing the Justice Building in each district. Once that was finished she would depart for the next one.

Her physique had thinned out and her first attempts at helping with the construction were unsuccessful. The assignment she seemed to master at the moment was with a hammer and nail, but thankfully she found that was an important task when it came to constructing a building. Though as time flew by Katniss mastered heavy lifting and laborous jobs that were not recommended for women, but she insisted upon it. Her body was slowly building back its lost muscle, shaping her body that it made it healthier than ever before. Soon she was able to lift bags of cement and wheel carts filled with bricks without any struggle. She was also compensated as well for her efforts and was able to get new businesses off to a good start as she visited each store and purchased at least one item. Katniss didn't need the compensation. In a way for the Capitol to make amends for their ways, they still continued the lifetime of wealth that was rewarded to victors of the Hunger Games. There weren't many victors left. There was Annie, Beetee, Enobaria, Johanna, Haymitch, Peeta and her that remained as the victors of the Hunger Games. It didn't seem right to Katniss to be compensated for her help with the Movement and also receive the victor's wealth.

Plutarch insisted upon filming Katniss while she helped. At first she declined, but when he told her she wouldn't have to do another speech in her life, she obliged. Now a camera crew circled around the construction site, documenting its progress along with interviewing a few volunteers to capture their experience. At times she would be followed by the crew, sadly reminding her of the insects in 13. She had to fight the urge to shoo them away and instead pretended they weren't there, continuing with her work.

Once the Justice Building was successfully finished, the district held a celebration that lasted for days. This is where Katniss's prep team came in. Venia and her hadn't spoken of their last incident and both of them found it best not to talk about it. Though she reassured her stylist that all was forgiven. "Forget it," Venia would say when Katniss would randomly apologize while being fitted for the festivities. But she still felt guilty and was wondering if she could ever make it up to her. The festivities were televised throughout the entire nation. Katniss was pretty sure Haymitch was kicking himself for not coming with her due to the great assortment of spirits. She even indulged herself with a few and found a great liking for a soft Pinot Grigio that was easy to drink. The festival was wonderful. Music played, people danced, laughter rang through the air, and for the first time Katniss was able to enjoy herself. She had even willed herself to dance with a tipsy Plutarch who surprisingly had amazing footwork for someone that lived in the Capitol.

The days blended together and soon weeks turned into months. The months became a blur as she hopped from district to district, successfully completing construction of the justice buildings. Katniss had a happy yet tearful reunion with her mother in District 4. It was an opportunity to mourn the loss of Primrose together. The grieving was needed, she realized, as she felt her raging demons shrink back from within.

Sooner than expected, her arrival at District 2 came. This would require most time. The destruction from the rebellion was a complete disaster and was in need of an intense cleansing. There were days Katniss worked from sun up to sun down. Discarding debri from the streets. Hauling boulders of what used to be pathways for pedestrians. Reconstructing the "nut". Katniss was so busy, she had no time to visit her Seam friend Gale. He too was deeply involved in work, currently involved with Panem's military defense operating Special Weaponry.

The festival was held inside the mountain. The event was more breathtaking than the others, music echoing melodically throughout the enormous cavern, the din of celebrators conversating weaving through the descant. There was a lackadaisical air within the cavern while everyone was too beat to thoroughly celebrate from the long arduous weeks of work. Yet everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves; everyone expect Katniss.

Too often Katniss's eyes darted to the ceiling as if expecting to feel the jarring impact of falling bombs, to see giant cracks form and dodge life threatening cave debri. Thoughts of bombing the nut suddenly flooded her mind. She could picture it perfectly. Sirens shrieking throughout the cavern, lights flashing against the darkened walls, people stumbling madly for an exit, clawing their way through a maze of rubble. A sensation of wanting to flee the inside of the mountain took hold of Katniss like a cold hand seizing her heart. How could a festival be held in this...this graveyard?

Katniss scrambled out of the crowd as the feeling of bodies caused her to become claustrophobic. She bumped into a table currently holding refreshments and was relieved to see the usual assortment of spirits that accommodated the party. Grabbing a shot glass holding an unknown pink liquid, she knocked it down. A burning hit her throat and Katniss sputtered, convulsing slightly as she coughed. The burning slid down her esophagus and settled in her stomach. A heaviness in her limbs followed shortly after and the drink's sensation had her momentarily distracted from her suffocating thoughts. She found it a good idea to have another.

People from time to time approached her for small chatter and in order to stay engaged and to avoid noticeable paranoia, Katniss found it wise to keep a drink in her hand. The evening progressed on and she wanted nothing more than to retreat to her quarters and sleep. By the time she was left to her own musings she was fairly tipsy. Manuevering herself away from the crowd in her suddenly dangerously high heels, she then careened into a solid body. The impact had her flying backwards and she was pretty sure she would land in a throng of innocent bystanders when a strong hand caught her arm and pulled her from disaster. How embarrassing, she thought to herself, and couldn't help expressing her embarrassment by laughing stupidly at her savior.

"Watch yourself there Catnip." Her heart dropped to her stomach as she stared wildly at her childhood friend from the Seam. Gale seemed to be the only one dressed normally and for a moment she felt foolish adorned in a sequined cocktail dress. All she could do was stare at him, mouth agape. He waited patiently for her to react. Anything would have been fine; a smile, a crushing embrace, even a handshake. But Katniss was utterly stunned. "Looks like you're enjoying yourself," he said, breaking the ice. It took her a few moments to register that he was referring to the drink in her hand. "Oh, yes," she said, tittering nervously. Her eyes fell shyly to the floor and she wondered why it was so difficult to start up conversation that she so easily accomplished moments before. "You look nice," Gale then said. "Thank you," she replied with a small smile. The awkward silence came faster than she hoped for. Bringing the drink to her lips to break the tension, she was then yanked towards the dancefloor where Gale led her. "Let's dance," he told her as he took the drink from her hands. There was nothing else to do but comply.

As they moved in slow circles he said to her, "I've missed you," and she suddenly felt the ice melt. They spent the remainder of the party dancing, indulging in more drink and small talk with the attendees. A pleasant time suddenly became a wonderful time as they allowed themselves to be engulfed into the party. Eventually they were reduced to stumbling dance partners, laughing at anything and everything funny. She didn't realize how drunk she was until Gale spun her around. Signaling them to take their leave, Gale took her hand and led her out of the boisterous cavern.

She didn't know where he was taking her. It was a blurred journey of elevators and corridors until she found herself pushed against a wall with his lips pressing onto hers. And she didn't know what to do as Gale kissed her hungrily. His teeth tugged at her bottom lip, pulling it into his mouth and sucking gently. An artful tongue coerced passed her lips and matted with hers expertly. She felt his hand at the nape of her neck, craning her head to delve deeper into her mouth. While her hands remained still at his shoulders, his traveled down her back to her legs, hiking up her dress and cupping her buttocks. Katniss parted from the kiss to let out of sound of surprise as Gale pressed her lower half into his. He then lifted her up. She felt this was an encouragement to wrap herself around him and she did so, her legs entangling around his waist.

The wall behind her gaveway as Gale opened the door to his sleeping chambers, never letting go of her. They collapsed onto the bed and he continued to ravish her. Hot lips were at her neck, hands fumbling with the zipper at the side of her dress. His teeth scraped against the juncture of her neck and shoulder. She felt his hand snake up her dress. He didn't hesitate to cup her through her undergarment. Katniss's eyes flew open from his sudden brusqueness. "Gale," she called out. He looked at her and saw the uncertainty shining in her glassy eyes. "It's okay," he told her and dipped down to capture her lips with his. He brought her into a slow, tantalizing kiss, and for a moment Katniss's mind went blank.

His hand pressed into her once more and she felt his fingers work their way past the undergarment. Without hesitation he pushed two fingers inside her. Katniss tore from the kiss. "Gale," she called out louder than before and recoiled from his touch. He stopped as he noticed her body retreating from his. "What's the matter?" he asked, a disquiet expression settling on his features. "I don't know if I can do this," she explained, moving his hand away from under her dress. He gave her a puzzled look. "What do you mean you don't know?" he asked with small amusement.

Katniss sighed as she straightened her dress. "I mean, I can't do this." Gale laughed. "Why not?" Amusement glittered in his eyes and she realized he wasn't taking her seriously. "I can't," she clairified with a soundness in her voice that had all glimpses of mirth wiping from his face. A frown settled on his features and he moved off from her. Katniss took the initiative to climb off the bed and leave his room before things got weird. "You aren't going to explain why?" he stopped her. She hovered at the door, wanting desperately to swing it open and flee. "I think you know why," she said with her back to him. She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the reality of her words to sink in. Her shoulders tensed as she heard him slide off the bed once he understood the full meaning of her words. She was dreading his response.

"Because of what happened at the Capitol," he stated rather than asked. Her shoulders slumped and she hesitantly nodded. "Katniss, we should talk about this," he approached her, circling around her so they could face one another. "Let's not," Katniss clipped and turned her back on him once more. "You can't avoid it forever. It's been nearly a year since the rebellion," Gale told her. Has it really? Katniss was so immersed in her work that she hadn't realized how much time had gone by. It allowed her to avoid things that she didn't want to confront, like talking about Primrose or forgiving Gale. "You still haven't forgiven me?" he said in disbelief.

A sound of exasperation emmitted from her throat. "I'll have to learn to forgive myself, let alone forgive others," she said in defeat. "Those bombs killed her and burned me alive." She heard her voice waver and tears sprung in her eyes. Perhaps it was the drink that brought forth these unwelcoming emotions. "You look better to me," Gale said and placed a hand on her shoulder to indicate that he meant her flawless skin. She remained standing and he gathered her into his arms. Katniss stayed their unmoving as he nuzzled her hair.

"I wish you would believe when I say I didn't know," he said into her hair. Guilt swam in her chest and she couldn't help but return the embrace. How must he have felt from his best friend's unforgiving cold shoulder? Katniss knew she wouldn't be able to live with herself if the tables were turned. She had to express some kind of sympathy towards him. "I would never want to hurt Prim," he told her. Katniss pulled away from the embrace to tell him she would never assume that of him but her moment was stolen when he kissed her.

She parted from the kiss, fault flooding into her eyes. "We shouldn't do this," she said to him. This time he took it better than she expected. "You're right," Gale agreed and smiled. "Plus we're both drunk out of our minds," he added with a light chuckle. "Some other time then," he said glancing hopefully at her. Katniss slowly shook her head, feeling worse after taking in his expression.

"I don't understand why you don't want to get better," Gale said impatiently. Katniss squeezed her eyes shut as she felt a headache coming on.

She had to tell the truth. "I do want to get better. But not with you."

Realization dawned his features. "It's always been him, hasn't it?" he asked but Katniss failed to answer. When he registered that he wasn't going to get a response he then questioned, "Why would you want someone so _broken_?" She smiled at the word, the familiarity of it somewhat warming. "Because I'm broken too," she replied. Gale scoffed and she met his irritated gaze. "You don't look broken to me," he said to her and again he was referencing her restored skin.

Anger lurched inside her. "Well I am," she retorted. "Well, you must've had everyone fooled then," came his response and Katniss was out the door before things could get ugly.

The beauty and tragedy of their friendship, or whatever was left of it, was that they always knew how to affect each other. This explained the overwhelming anger that boiled inside Katniss. She stumbled to her quarters, trying to avoid the startled expressions of stragglers from the party. Katniss ripped the door open and slammed it shut, closing off the world behind her. A wave of nausea came over her and she ran to the bathroom. All of the night's drink came back up and she heaved violently into the toilet, emptying every evidence of a good time. Katniss reached for a towel that hung nearby and wiped her mouth. She caught her reflection in the wall mirror, slumped by the toilet yet still glittering in her evening dress. It repulsed her. In disgust she pulled the accessories from her body and ripped out the extravagant extensions from her scalp. She bit back a cry of pain as the extentions uprooted some of her hair. Katniss kicked off her shoes. Then balling up the towel, she bit down on it and began to scream.

Her scream transformed into pitiful cries and she soon found herself sobbing into the towel. _'Well, you must've had everyone fooled then.' _Gale's words resonated in her skull. A hatred completely consumed her and she suddenly realized it was the menacing sensation of self loathing. For all these months she paraded around like fool as if nothing was wrong, as if she could stand to be in the skin that she was in. But she couldn't. She couldn't bear to see her beautiful skin tingle from the sun or illuminate in the moonlight. It made her sick. And as she caught her reflection again it sickened her even more.

Grabbing a discarded shoe, she threw it at the mirror. It collided noisily into the mirror and shattered. Glass poured onto the floor. The mirror was no longer there, but she didn't feel any better. Before she could question her judgement, she grabbed a jagged piece of glass. Without much thought she gathered up the bottom of her dress and pressed the lethal point of the shard into her thigh. A white hot pain shot up her leg but she continued to dig into her skin. She bit into the towel and squeezed her eyes shut as the sensation of pain and something else took over her completely. She dug deeper into her skin until she cried out. Then she dropped the shard.

Opening her eyes she looked down at the cut that now bled. She watched in amazement how the blood trickled down her leg. Instinctively she covered the cut with the towel and pressed down, staunching the flow of blood. Judging by the horrible sting and ache in her leg she knew this was going to leave a mark. A smile formed at the thought of that.

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Note: This may not be important bringing up, but I'm not supportive of self mutilation (who is?). Don't worry though, I'm going somewhere with this. Otherwise, I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. Until next time...


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

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"Are you sure this is alright? I feel so plain," a speculative Effie asked as she scrutinized her outfit. Yes, it was a giant step backward from her usual attire, but Katniss found the red pencil skirt still flamboyant. She wouldn't settle for anything plainer than that and refused to wear shoes that weren't heels. Although the Capitolite had changed much since their last encounter at the Quarter Quell, Effie was very much still the same, pressing others to stay on schedule while scrambling around in her mile high heels. At moments it felt like the two of them were back as things were, reminding Katniss that old habits die hard.

"I'm sure," came Katniss's smooth reply and when her escort wasn't convinced she plastered a reassuring smile that seemed to put her at ease."How can you be so calm?" she observed the girl's unbothered demeanor. "I'm so nervous," she admitted and all authoritative character crumbled, revealing an insecure woman. "What if he won't be happy to see me?" she asked timidly and Katniss quickly put two and two together realizing she was talking about Haymitch. "What if I remind him of the bad times?"

"Don't be silly. He'll be very happy to see you," she assured the woman but said nothing more.

Effie was wrong. Katniss was everything but calm. Her heart skittered in her chest as the hovercraft came closer to its destination. District 12's landscape came into view, its greenery twisting over rocky terrain. As the hovercraft prepared to land at an upcoming airstrip Katniss could feel her stomach doing flips. Sweat pooled in her palms as she clenched her hands in anticipation. Although she was just as apprehensive as Effie, she didn't want to alarm her escort. Someone had to be reserved but Katniss wasn't the right person for that.

The aircraft trembled slightly, the impact indicating they had landed. Wiping her clammy hands, Katniss took hold of Effie's quivering ones and the both of them disembarked. She couldn't help but breathe heavily, recalling the relaxation exercises she had practiced with Dr. Aurelius. Katniss was terrified. In all honesty, she wasn't sure what she would find once she returned home and she was apprehensive to find out. What feared her the most would be to return to a dilapidated home covered in the ashes of the dead. It had the demons within her rising from their hibernation, threatening to wreak havoc again.

She was surprised to see that her assumptions were entirely wrong. Instead of ash and rubble, buildings and housing laid before them, smoke billowing from their chimneys into the periwinkle sky. A small din of a bustling town rose in the air and rang lightly in her ears. Indications of life was everywhere and it left her breathless. She heard a small intake of air beside her and gathered that Effie was surprised as well.

"I had no idea District 12 was so...restored," she faltered at the end of her sentence as her escort took in the sight before them. Katniss silently agreed, at the moment utterly speechless.

After their moment of stupor subsided she took hold of Effie's hand. "Come on, he's waiting for us," she said and led an apprehensive Effie further into her home.  
He was waiting, just at the outskirts of town. Katniss's chest tightened and their steady pace turned into a trot as they both approached Haymitch.

"Long time no see sweetheart," he said with a grin on his face. Before she had time to think, Katniss flung herself into his arms. Haymitch happily accepted, breaking into jubilant laughter.

"It's so good to see you!" Katniss exclaimed as she fought back tears. "Likewise," he replied and the two of them resumed their embrace. As she pulled away she almost forgot Effie was with her who wavered nervously behind them.

"There's someone here to see you," she told Haymitch who gave her an inquisitive look. Once he took sight of the beautiful woman with golden hair he simply uttered, "Oh, hello." There were no traces of recognition, just mere graciousness as he greeted the stranger.

"Your manners have certainly improved," came Effie's response and suddenly his eyes widened in familiarity as he took in the woman's entirety. "Effie?" he clarified in disbelief. She nodded and a wonderful smile broke across her once apprehensive features. "You-you look," but he was at a loss of words. Katniss had to stifle a laugh at the flabbergasted Haymitch. This was good. It wasn't often that people left her mentor speechless.

She simply laughed and approached him, outstretching her arms. It seemed as if all her anxiety melted away as soon as he recognized her. Haymitch speechlessly accepted the embrace and he didn't let go for a good moment. Katniss wanted to leave, feeling as if she was intruding on their moment, but once they broke apart Effie drew her in, requesting Haymitch to give them a tour of the reinstated District 12.

Katniss felt like she had landed on another planet, her feet treading on a foreign cobblestone pathway that would lead them to the center of the District. The housing development was unrecognizable. They were constructed with sturdy oak wood and ranged in size of square feet. Some were particularly small, while others were much larger, depending on who occupied the home. Soon the housing development began to ebb as they ambled deeper into town. Again her breath was robbed as soon as they entered the heart of the town.

It was as if she was in the Hob but out in the open and greater in size. There were stands that sold almost everything imaginable; fresh produce, pelts and furs of all animals, kitchen appliances, and other miscellaneous products that had Katniss dying to browse for hours. Apparently it was a busy day in the marketplace as they wove their way through the bustling crowd. Behind various stands stood shops and her mouth watered as they passed the Butcher shop, fresh game hanging behind the windowpane. The smells drew her in. Cooking meat, steaming soups, fresh flowers from the boutique shop, incense of cedar from the woodsmith. And the sounds. Shouts of advertisement of today's special, customers haggling over an appropriate price, the clanging of a hammer striking iron from the blacksmith shop, and laughter as children chased each through the marketplace with frazzled mothers following close behind. The weight in Katniss's pocket full of coins had her wanting to lessen the load. There were so many things to buy.

But Haymitch led the gaping Effie and Katniss out of the marketplace. The bustle became quieter as they approached the town square. The cobblestone walkway suddenly stopped and they continued to tread on a dirt path. They came to halt and before them stood the framework of the soon-to-be Justice Building of District 12. Construction stations were already set up, the building waiting to be erected.

"It would have been built months ago, but Plutarch insisted we leave it for you and the volunteers to build," Haymitch explained. This seemed to snap Effie out of her moment of awe. "Which reminds me, he should be here any minute now!" she chimed and all of the sudden Katniss was being ushered away by a determined Effie who never favored being off schedule. She shot a pleading look towards Haymitch who simply shrugged as he watched the two women depart to the Victor's Village. Katniss was hoping their next stop would be another reunion with someone who had inhabited her mind for the previous months.

Her prep team had arrived at her house in the village before they had, so Katniss had little time to be nostalgic as they led her to the bathroom. Flavius fussed over her hair absent of extensions but Katniss persisted not to bother its original length. The hair stylist had kept up to date with the maintenance of her hair and it had grown into a nice length stopping right at her chest. Instead he gave her a tousled updo. Octavius tried to persuade her into gluing on fake nails since hers was so damaged from the construction, but she argued that they would only break from the upcoming work. They settled with a coat of sapphire nail polish. She was then drawn and powdered with so much makeup her face felt heavy. One look in the mirror and Katniss could define the theme of what her prep team was going for with one word; peacock. Once they were finished they exclaimed how she would look stunning in front of the camera. Katniss grimaced at the mention of _camera_ but they ensured her that it was only to capture her return to District 12.

Venia guided her into a spare room that already had mannequins propped up in the usual breathtaking attire. Katniss heaved a sigh as she handed her a dazzling crystal ball gown that glittered a beautiful cerulean.

"What's the matter?" she questioned as Katniss stepped into the dress. "I was hoping I could wear something different," she choked out as Venia struggled with the zipper.

"You might have to. This hardly fits," her stylist said as she tugged at the zipper in another attempt. It squeezed at her waist and she was instructed to take a deep breath. They managed to zip up the dress but struggled tucking in her breasts. When she was instructed to walk they nearly toppled out and Katniss had to catch herself before she was exposed. "At least you've filled out," Venia said optimistically as she pulled her out of the dress.

When Venia found a simpler gown yet in a shimmering peacock blue Katniss uttered, "I wanted to wear something other than a dress." Her stylist laughed. "There's a ball tonight in your's and the volunteer's honor," she explained. Katniss's grimace deepened. "I was hoping I would have a quiet homecoming," she said disappointedly. "You'll be fine," Venia assured as she tucked in a few peacock feathers into her hair.

Her feet were strapped in open footed heels and she sighed in relief when she surveyed the heighth was manageable as she walked across the room. "You look breathtaking," Venia complimented which caused Katniss to roll her eyes. "Let's get this over with," was her response and was whisked away by a dithering Effie.

The banquet was held under a huge pavilion that looked more like a giant tent, Katniss mused gloomily, starting at the foot of the anticipated Justice Building and stretching over the center of the town. There was a stage with the camera crew at the foot of it; space for a dancefloor and circular tables covered with pristine white tablecloths decorated with glittering glassware and silverware. The usual stretch of table filled with food and beverages stood adjacent to the dining area, catering for the many that would attend.

The opening ceremony started with a speech from President Paylor, who was not present, orated by Plutarch. Following was a commeration for those who greatly contributed to the Movement. This went on for what felt like forever and Katniss tried not to doze off, aware that the cameras were trained on her. Instead she spent her time scanning the crowd, trying to pick out recognizable faces. At times when she caught a familiar face she would wave. She wanted nothing more than to join the audience with her comrades instead of posing stupidly on the stage.

Her moment of distant reunions was interrupted when the sound of her name resonated throughout the entire pavilion. She looked for the source of the sound when Effie, who she didn't know was standing next to her, nudged her. "Just a few words," she murmured to her. Katniss trudged to the center of the stage where a smiling Plutarch was waiting for her. She reminded herself to kill him after the ceremony ended.

When she adjusted the microphone to her height, it made a terrible screeching sound that had the entire audience covering their ears. What a great start, she idly mused. She first thanked everyone for coming. Then she commented on how impressed she was with the District's restoration. To end the speech she then said she was happy to be home. Three sentences. When she looked over to Plutarch, he wore a tense smile as if urging her to continue but when silent seconds went by and the audience broke in a tentative applause she took her exit. That was probably the most horrible speech ever given, she thought as she resumed her position next to Effie. When she glanced over at her escort her expression told all; it was awful. Katniss didn't feel mortified. She actually felt triumphed, proving her point to Plutarch that she was certainly not one who had a way with words.

Once it had ended she made a direct beeline for the old Gamemaker. He was happily chatting away with what looked like important people. She made an illustrated threat at him which made his comrades titter nervously. Katniss stomped off the stage, planning to ditch this stupid banquet and head straight home. She ripped out the dumb peacock feathers and unfastened her hair, wanting nothing more than to wash this clown makeup off her face. Too distracted with her removal of ridiculous accessories, she collided into an attendee, managing to spill their drink down the both of their fronts in the process.

About to voice her apology, she was then stunned into silence when she saw who the attendee was. He was dressed in a simple yet handsome blazer with matching slacks which was now doused in his beverage. Those familiar yet altered blue eyes met her surprised ones, smiling at her.

"Peeta!" she exclaimed, opening and closing her mouth in utter shock. Then a stampede of broken sentences tumbled from her mouth as she tried to apologize. She grabbed a nearby napkin and began to dab at the lapel of his blazer. He responded in a laugh that only Peeta made and it caused a tingle down her back. "Don't worry about it," he told her as he pushed away her pawing hands. The both of them then stared at each other.

He was no longer the incorrigible boy she navigated and repelled all terror from the Capitol's sewers with; who burned just as she did from the explosion. The boy with the bread looked completely restored. In fact he had grown, now towering over her and broader than ever. The sandy blonde hair was longer and Katniss had the desire to weave her hands through it. The boy with the bread was no longer a boy; he had grown into a handsome young man.

Peeta broke her awed silence by commenting, "Nice speech." The contrary look in his eyes told her he wasn't serious. "Was it that bad?" she winced. "Well, you never were much for words," he replied and they both smiled. Then there was silence again. Katniss was kicking herself, evident proof of his previous statement. There could have been so many things she could have said to start conversation. She could have asked about his wellbeing and what he had going on since his return to District 12. But instead she just stood there, staring dumbly at him.

She swallowed and finally managed to say, "You look real good Peeta." When she began to blush she silently cursed herself. "Thank you," came his well-timed yet appreciative response. "And look at you," he then said, giving her a good once over which made her turn redder. "All shiny and new." Katniss was about to give a mechanical thanks but halted at his words. She then smiled, not sure how to take his comment.

Peeta wanted nothing more than to swallow the words that just came from his mouth. _Shiny and new_? He was absolutely mortified. The woman was radiating in beauty in her magnificent gown and that was all he could get out? Their reunion couldn't have gone more horribly.

"I'm going to get a drink," Katniss said. "Great plan," Peeta said, relief flooding his features as the awkwardness subsided. She headed for the table and grabbed two glasses filled with a robust looking red wine and handed him one. When he rose his eyebrows at her she asked, "You don't drink?"

"You do?" he asked in return. Katniss simply shrugged, waiting for him to take the glass. He did. Before she could bring hers to her lips, he audibly cleared his throat.

"To a happy reunion," he toasted. "Which is off to a wonderful start," Katniss added and took a long drink. Peeta bit his lip as he watched her finish the glass in one swig. She was right. Thanks to his supposed compliment, their reunion was a total trainwreck.

When she made a grab for another glass, he then broke out, "I'm sorry." Surprised, she looked to him, a hand wavering over another spirit. "I'm a complete jackass. I just couldn't help it, you're dressed up so..." he tappered off and Katniss immediately grabbed a drink that her hand was momentarily hovering over. It was a different beverage which looked more damaging than wine. "So stupid," she finished for him, downing the glass and cringing from the horrible burn. "That's not what I meant," he said, furrowing his brow. "You just look so different," he told her. She gave him a cold smile in return.

"Enjoy the rest of your evening Mr. Mellark," she grated through clenched teeth and turned to make her leave, grabbing a few intoxicating beverages with her. As she passed a dancing Effie and Haymitch, he shot her a look. In response she took a gulp from one of her drinks and exited the pavilion before he could catch up with her.

There were so many ways a recovery could have occurred. Something to smudge over the misunderstanding. But she was upset. This was not how she pictured her reunion with Peeta. Yet she wasn't sure what she expected. _Anything but that_. To her dismay she felt the pressure of tears at her eyes, but she swallowed them down. Get over it, she told herself and abandoned the banquet, retreating to her home in the Victor's Village.

* * *

_She ran. The dampness of her surroundings clung to her body, secreting from her pores and pouring down her skin. Sweat blinded her, but it didn't matter, she couldn't see past the heavy cloak of darkness. Her legs cried in protest as she willed to go faster, a powerful surge of adrenaline increasing her speed. Her feet splashed through water and the drops hit her face as she ran noisily. The smell of waste and toxins had her insides curling as she took sharp intakes of breath, its essence settling murkily in her lungs. Stifling any noise wasn't necessary anymore as she fled through the blackness of the Capitol's bowels, so she hacked the pollutant from her lungs. They were hot on her trail. Her ears picked up the sound of their frantic skittering, ricocheting off pipes along with the sinister hissing of her name. She was only seconds ahead of them. Any miscalculated footfall and she was theirs._

_Unfortunately as she thought this, her leg plunged into an unexpected puddle. It was deep and its depth pulled her in. She went under, the dirty water filling her noise and mouth. Desperately she clawed through its depths, sputtering madly as she broke the surface. Before she could blindly clamber her way out of the puddle she was suddenly yanked from the water, talons hooking into her shoulders. Katniss shrieked as agonizing pain tore through her entire body. They had her. _

_She was theirs._

_They dragged her from the water. She flailed helplessly, her shrieks traveling through the sewers but reaching no one. It was now over her, its hot breath fanning over her face. Scorching saliva plopped onto her face burning her skin in contact. The smell of blood and roses filled her nostrils and panic seized throughout her body. A surge of adrenaline coursed through her and with unexpected strength she flipped the monster onto its back. It screeched into the darkness, alerting its comrades of its helpless position. As she pinned the monster her hands searched wildly for any spare object near her in the dark._

_To her relief her fingers circled around a lone pipe. She grabbed and struck down on the monster. Its screeching increased transforming into guttural cries as she bludgeoned its head into a bloody pulp. Blood and gore flecked her face. The clubbing didn't stop even when the monster's cries ceased. In a wild frenzy she continued to beat the lifeless thing until it was nothing but a gory smear on the sewer ground._

_An anguished scream tore from her throat, a suffocating sensation enveloping her as she voiced her terror._

Katniss woke with a start, her face sticky with sweat. She withdrew her head from the pillow that was buried deep just seconds ago. Her eyes darted wildly as she tried to comprehend where she was. The beating of her heart hammered loudly against her ribcage, breathing heavily. A sense of relief coursed through her as she began to realize she was in her bed, in her house, in District 12. Nausea soon followed after, saliva flooding her mouth. Katniss scrambled out of bed and darted to the bathroom.

She barely made it to the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach. Constricted gasps tore from her throat as she heaved the last remains. Shaking hands reached for the handle and she flushed the swimming remains.  
Sweat poured down her face. Wiping her forehead, she headed for the sink. She didn't dare look at her reflection; she already knew she was a mess. The tremors did not subside as she fumbled with the application of toothpaste on her toothbrush. The hygienic tools slipped from her fingers and clanged noisily against the porcelain skin. Finding this simple task was more difficult than she could manage, she reduced to gargling a mouth wash.  
Her eyes then met her reflection. The crazed look still hadn't left from her eyes. Her hair was big and wild, tousled every which way. The white tank top clung to her body, damp with sweat.  
It had been a good while since she had dreamed so vividly. Scenes of the nightmare flashed before her and she squeezed her eyes shut to block it out. The disturbing images would not flee her thoughts, causing the tremors to return. Her hands flew to her ears as if she was trying to deflect a piercing sound. How they hissed her name, bouncing off the walls of her skull. Lowering onto her knees, she opened her mouth and screamed. She screamed until her voice cracked, her throat tearing from the length of the high and loud pitch.

Once she stopped, surprisingly she felt better.

Katniss tried to go back to sleep but found she was wakeful than ever. A clenching in her chest occurred as she recalled the memory where Peeta's arms rocked her back into slumber. Its chilling absence had her staring widely at the ceiling. The ticking of the clock told her that minutes had flown by and her position remained unchanged. Sighing in defeat, she clambered out of bed and quickly dressed herself in decent attire. She threw on her father's hunting jacket and was out the door.

It seemed as if her feet acted on its own accord and was horrified to find herself standing in front of her fellow Victor's front door. Cursing to herself, she turned on her heels and headed in the opposite direction. The lights in the house still burned but she could not see any activity. She had a feeling knocking would go undetected so she let herself in.

Katniss was surprised to see her mentor still awake, sipping at the finest glass she had ever seen in his hand.

"Please, come in," Haymitch said sardonically and waved a dramatic hand at a chair across the table. She muttered a quick apology and took her seat.

As he sipped at his glass, Katniss couldn't help but remember that night they had shared a drink and made their unbreakable vow. She didn't take a liking of nostalgia and decided to shake away her moment of recollection.

"Want one?" he asked, tipping the glass in her direction. It held a heady deep red with a scent that made her head swim. "Sure," she shrugged and he retrieved a similar glass and poured the red substance.

The velvety liquid poured down her throat once she took a sample, tasting hints of berry and black cherry. There was a dryness to it that Katniss didn't seem to mind. She placed the glass back on the table. "It's good," she said to him. Haymitch shook his head and laughed.

"What?" she asked speculatively. "Red wine," he told her. "The same wine we had at our first dinner in the Capitol." Katniss immediately remembered. Back then the peculair flavor made her cringe and the small sip had her head swimming. Such a long time ago, she heard herself say and saw Haymitch nod in agreement.

After a moment of silent reminiscence, Haymitch then said, "I won't ask you what you're doing awake at this hour because it's pretty obvious." She cocked an eyebrow in confusion. "You're not the only one who sleeps with the windows open, sweetheart," he clarified and she could feel her body shrink in on itself. "What're you talking about?" she pretended to not know what he meant.

"I'm sure the whole District could hear your screams," he said with a somewhat sympathetic smile. "Oh," was all Katniss could say and brought the wine to her lips to lapse the awkward silence.

Smoothly changing topic, Haymitch asked, "So, how'd the happy reunion go?" Katniss almost coughed her wine back up. After her moment of sputtering subsided she responded, "I wouldn't necessarily call it 'happy'." Haymitch laughed once more, shaking his head again.

"What did you expect?" Once she took in the full meaning of his question she wasn't sure how to answer. Katniss had left District 12 without becoming accustomed to the new Peeta. She knew he would never be the same, not after the hijacking, but there was a glimmer of hope that remnants of his old self was still there. To answer Haymitch's question, she supposed she was hoping to see that glimmer during their reunion. Instead it went terribly wrong. And she felt guilty for feeling so.

"I know," was all she said, not needing an explanation. "Give him a chance," her mentor said. "Sure, he's not the same charming and kind Peeta that we used to know, but he's not all that bad. He's actually quite distinguished." _Distinguished_? The word seem to weigh heavy on her tongue and she wanted to spit it out. "Yeah, a distinguished jackass," Katniss added.

"Do you know what he said to me? He said I looked 'shiny and new'," she told Haymitch and watched him wince. Yet she was shocked to hear that he was in his defense. "Peeta has come a long way. You weren't here to see his progress, but he's doing well, unlike you." Katniss glared at him, but found that he was right. After nearly a year of no nightmares, they were back again. She was back in square one.

Katniss was about to open her mouth in rebuttal but he beat her to it. "You have bigger things to worry about."

"Like what?" she asked, doubt in her voice. "The District," came his simple, yet vague reply. When she gave him an particular expression he continued, "They aren't that happy with you."

She stared at him wide-eyed, wondering if he had too much to drink, but appeared disturbingly sober at this statement. "What makes you say that?" she continued to carry the doubt, but could feel it slowly ebb away. "Well, since you ran away to the Capitol instead of helping them get back on their feet, I could imagine why they wouldn't be happy with you," Haymitch explained.

She almost choked on her wine again. "Ran away?" she said in disbelief. "I didn't run away. I wanted to help," she tried to speak her defense. "And you've done a wonderful job doing so," Haymitch assured her. "But not every district received much aide," he then said, leaving Katniss curious.

"What do you mean?" she asked. Haymitch sighed, eyeing the red liquid in his glass as if it was more interesting. "You could say District 12 got the short end of the stick. We didn't receive any food until a few months ago." Her mouth fell open. Katniss was certain that the Capitol's approach to the Movement would have provided the District's enough resources to start up again. Even Plutarch assured that each would receive more than enough. "You see, with the Movement being in effect, it stalled all production within the districts of the things we needed. The Capitol only sent a limited supply that dwindled once it reached the remaining districts. Thirteen has enough resources to sustain itself and fortunately they did send some but there was only so much they could give."

Everything around her seemed to fade as she listened to Haymitch. All her effort, her belief that she was helping for a cause that benefited the greater good, shattered into a billion pieces. "District 12 was hoping you'd recognize this and demand more aide sent to us," Haymitch continued, "but you didn't."

An anger swelled in her chest as Haymitch told her this. As usual she was left in the dark, her participants failing to inform her of something that was a great importance to her: the wellbeing of her home. Instead all she could do was defend herself. "I didn't know. No one told me," she spat, feeling a self loathing starting to emerge. "I believe you," Haymitch told her. "And last night was your chance to have the district believe you too, but your speech definitely didn't smooth things over."

She suddenly had the urge to find Plutarch's living quarters and slit his throat in his sleep. It seemed everyone was still stuck in the illusion that Katniss couldn't perform well unless the moment was real. At the ceremony she was taken by surprise, giving her no reason to detect there was anything wrong. If only that stupid Gamemaker would have informed her then maybe she would have made amends. Yet, perhaps they feared she would turn it around on them and blame the negligence on the Capitol. Katniss couldn't help but see a vicious cycle in the scheme of all this and had her head spinning.

"How did everything come to be this way?" she then asked, referring to the district's restoration. "Peeta and I," Haymitch replied. When Katniss gave him a forlorn expression he clarified, "We used our victor's compensation to help."

So that's what he meant by 'distinguished', she thought to herself after Haymitch's explanation.

"What can I do?" Katniss suddenly found herself asking. "Talk to Plutarch. He's the one that can manipulate the media. At first he thought his approach with documenting your help for the Movement would work, but it only showed how well off the other districts were, and most of the time focused on their celebrations." Katniss could imagine the panging bitterness eating away at her insides if she were to watch how each district was favored while her very own was forgotten. "I'm sure he can figure out a way to have them forgive you," Haymitch finished.

She wasn't aware she would be having to ask for forgiveness. One thing her and Haymitch knew was that she wasn't good at getting people to like her, especially when she had to try. And she didn't think she would have to try in her own home. The thought of it hurt her. To think her District would ever harbor any negative feelings towards her. Katniss frowned.

Every part of her rejected this idea. It seemed she would never escape from letting others manipulate her and present herself as something she's not. To use her for their own benefit. She was tired of being a pawn in this game. It was about time things came to an end.

"No," Katniss said. Haymitch startled at her response. "No?" he repeated

"I'm tired of playing. I don't care anymore," she said in defeat. Yet Haymitch took it as blatant rebellion. She was starting to wonder when everyone could just let bygones be bygones. The only way she would be able to escape this reoccurring fate was to do nothing.

So when Haymitch told her she was making a mistake, she told him she didn't care, more brusquely than expected, and retreated to her home.

She was able to sleep soundly for the rest of the night.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed. Till next time :]


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

She was immersed in work, sawing away at heavy planks of wood for the Justice Building. He was relieved she was so absorbed at the task at hand and the din of construction cloaked his approaching footfalls.

Her hair was thrown back in a tie, rebellious strands falling over her face. Sweat dabbled her hairline and trickled down her brow. The sawing paused and an arm flecked with sawdust reached up to swipe her drenched forehead. Then she returned to the task. He watched how the muscles contracted at the sawing motion, her tricep bulging as she pulled back on the hand saw, her deltoid trembling. Sweat dripped down the side of her face, settling in the hollow of her neck and staining the front of her tank top. Teeth clenched as she reached a denser part of wood within the plank, having to increase her efforts and hunch forward to apply more force.

In this simple act he saw the strength that rippled through her sweat glistened body and couldn't help but be impressed. Once she had sawn through the planks it collapsed onto the ground joining the rest in a pile around her feet. She pulled a cloth from her pocket and dabbed at her face. After cleaning the sweat she then noticed him and blanched.

There was Peeta, standing before her with a basket filled with rolls in his arms. He knew she wouldn't be the first to open conversation so he began by saying, "Look at you." She rolled her eyes. Great another awkward compliment, she thought as she tucked the cloth back in her pocket. "Working hard," he then finished and Katniss had to admit it wasn't as bad as before. She replied with a simple "yeah" but said nothing more.

After a few seconds flew by he then said, "I brought these for you and the others. Thought you might be hungry." Peeta then placed the bread basked onto the sawing station. In the different assortment of rolls, Katniss detected the one speckled with baked cheese on top and she couldn't help but feel her hard exterior slowly chip away. "Thank you," she said and took the cheese roll from the basket. She split it open and brought it to her nose, sniffing at the mouthwatering aroma.

"Your favorite," she heard Peeta comment and she fought hard to hide the smile as she bit into it. A sound hummed from her throat as she tasted the roll. "Good as always," she complimented tonelessly and he nodded in return.

He then merely watched her indulge in the roll, devouring it in a matter of seconds. After she resulted in licking her fingers he then sighed. "Look," he started. Katniss eyed warily at him. "I wanted to apologize for last night," he said, a hand rubbing at the back of his neck. She was waiting for an explanation to follow but none came.

"No," she then said. "I'm the one who should be apologizing." Katniss was shocked at her own words, as if somewhere inside her voice was being controlled by another. Perhaps it was his kind gesture that had her admitting to her fault. "I was still mad at Plutarch surprising me with that speech and was being a baby," she admitted as her eyes avoided his. Way to make it sincere Katniss, she thought to herself.

Peeta shook his head, "No, I was a total jerk. You looked beautiful." Katniss snorted. It was hard enough to fight through her pride and apologize. "Please Peeta, it's obvious who the jerk was." He smiled at her, silently accepting her apology. The words faltered, absorbed in the percussion of construction around them. Katniss took this silence to gather as much pieces of plank onto her shoulders and haul them to the framework of the building.

"Here, let me help you with that," Peeta offered as she crouched down. "I got it," she objected. He watched in amazement as Katniss lifted the heavy wood and effortlessly propped them on her shoulders. A look flashed his way as she noted his awed expression. "If you want, you can carry the rest," she suggested, gesturing at the remaining pile. He wordlessly complied, gathering the rest under his arms.

She took lead and he followed, watching the tool belt around her hips sway side to side as she walked forward.

So much had changed, he mused to himself. The last time he saw this girl she was hollowed and scarred, a whisper of a person. Her emaciated frame was now replaced with full flesh and trembling muscle. The singed brown hair was now a shimmering length, pulled back high in her hair tie. And her skin, once marred and patchy, now smooth and darkened to an olive pigment. It was as if she was a completely different person walking before him; a stranger that he had known for years.

"So, I was thinking," he broke the silence as the two of them set the planks at another station. "Tomorrow is my birthday and I wanted to invite you to dinner." Katniss immediately felt guilty. She hadn't even remembered when his birthday was being so involved with her touring.

"I haven't got you anything," she confessed. "Don't be ridiculous. Your company is as great as any gift," he replied and for a moment she could hear the old Peeta in the kind tone of his voice. She simply nodded and clarified, "Tomorrow night," and he smiled in return.

"I better get back to work," she said as she broke away from his smiling eyes.

"Yes, right," he said, running a hand through his blonde hair. "I'll let you get to it then," Peeta said as he turned on his heel. As she watched him leave she wondered if their second reunion could have gone any better. She was wordless and expressionless. He was kind and gracious like always. _I was right; it's obvious who the jerk was_. Katniss grimaced at this thought as she watched the boy with the bread walk away. His attempts to be friendly was blatantly rejected by her stony responses. When she reflected her conversation with Haymitch last night she realized he was better than 'not all that bad.' The new Peeta was a major improvement from the maddened Capitol prisoner; he was civil and amiable. She had to give him some credit.

"Peeta!" she then called out. He immediately stopped in his tracks and turned her way. After trying to find the right words Katniss said, "Thanks again, for the bread."

"No problem," he replied with a smooth smile and was on his way once more.

_That's better Katniss_.

* * *

Peeta was surprised to see Katniss enter the bakery on his birthday. And by the looks of it, she was shocked to see him as well.

"What are you doing here?" she asked him. He quirked a brow.

"What do you mean? I work here," he said with a slight laugh but that didn't erase her look of annoyance.

"On your birthday?"

She had a point. Today was a day where he should have taken it easy; skipped work and let all his apprentices deal with the chaos. But that was just it. Ever since he had reopened the bakery it had been just that; chaos. He nearly worked an entire week at times and was afraid he'd be trapped in a neverending cycle. Yes, baking was his passion and he would love to bake seven days a week, but it took more than baking to run a business. Peeta had to take on more roles than a baker. Manager, supervisor, budgetor, and his least favorite, custodian. There was hardly ever a moment where he had time for himself and in order to run the bakery smoothly taking off work to celebrate his birthday was no expection.

"What can I say, I'm a busy man," came his excuse and a small grimace harbored her features.

"I was going to pick up a loaf and hope to run into you later, but I guess I'll tell you now," Katniss said as she eyed the savory pasteries behind the lighted glasses.

He waited expectantly of what she wanted to tell him but she continued to eye the pasteries. "What did you want to tell me?" he then said after a few seconds of silence flitted by.

Tearing her gaze away from the baked delights she then said, "After work, come to my house."

"Okay," he answered a bit tentatively. "I'm going to cook you dinner," she explained and a smile broke his face.

"You're cooking _me _dinner?" he asked in complete awe. Her face darkened in embarrassment. "I caught a deer this morning and don't know what to do with it," she said as if she was trying to prove cooking him dinner wasn't a kind gesture. "Katniss, I don't know what to say, I'm speechless," he chirruped and she realized he was teasing her.

"Now that I think about, I can just sell it at the marketplace," she mused aloud, openly offended. Peeta then laughed.

"No please, I'd be honored if you made me dinner," Peeta said genuinely and Katniss didn't want to smile. "The honor's all mine," she murmured. Peeta couldn't help but smile teasingly at her. Obviously it was so difficult for her to be nice. He should have been taken back at her struggle of being friendly towards him. Anyone else would have taken this as if she was forcing herself into something she didn't quite agree with. But Peeta could sort out through the jumbled memories of her and knew that this was her attempts of camaraderie. Besides she was being incredibly cute.

"Great, I look forward to it," he told her and gave her a warm smile. Her mouth twitched as if she was fighting to smile in return and Peeta couldn't help but beam at her. "See you," was all she said and headed towards the exit. She wavered at the doorway and then said, "By the way, happy birthday." In a matter of seconds she was out the door before he could respond, forgetting to purchase her loaf of bread.

* * *

Cooking dinner was more complicated than Katniss thought. After seeing Peeta her next visit was to the butcher. Instead of being warmly greeted like the customer before her she was turned away, leaving her to skin and clean the deer herself. Haymitch was right, she thought, after her act of charity of giving away free deer skin was taken in offense. Thankfully, considering how she was treated at the Butcher shop, the pelt stand settled on buying the deer skin from her, yet grudgingly. Purchasing other miscellaneous ingredients to prepare dinner was more of a haggle than an average day at the market.

She was either ignored or charged a criminal price for the product she was interested it in, but smuggly paid the full value anyway. Perhaps it wasn't wise to flaunt around her wealth so openly, but Katniss wasn't going to stand for this treatment. She was too annoyed to sympathize with what the District went through. Effie would be off her wheels if she witnessed Katniss's behavior; Haymitch would merely give irritating words of caution which she wouldn't listen to anyway. It was juvenile behavior, but Katniss was hoping the citizens would eventually get over what had happened. After all, they were doing just fine.

Cleaning the deer had Katniss going through all kinds of new horrors. Disemboweling the creature was a horrendous mess, Katniss was covered in blood and fluids up to her elbows. Disposing the organs became a bigger problem. Tools that would have been set in a horror film was used to butcher the deer. She cut the deer into divisions, aware of which section of its body was appropriate for a type of meal. After settling what to make for dinner, she decided to use the rump of the deer, planning to cook venison steak and stored the rest of it in a freezer down in the basement.

She applied a herb rub to the raw steaks and cooked them over a skillet. Placing the steaks into a casserole dish, she poured a robust red wine over it and let it bake a while longer in the oven. While the venison baked, Katniss prepared a light, leafy salad as a side. Her eyes darted at a nearby clock. She assumed, like every other worker, the day ended at six in the evening. An hour remained for her to finish up the final touches.

Katniss cut the steaks into delicate strips and fanned them out decoratively onto the plate. A chesnut wine sauce was drizzled delicately over the strips. The salad was tossed in a bowl, a balsamic vinegarette poured over the greens. Katniss paired the dinner with a woody flavored wine to capture the theme of the meal. She took a sample of her dish, popping a piece of the meat into her mouth and taking a small sip from her red wine. A tingle rushed through her and Katniss knew she had executed the meal perfectly. Setting the oven at a warming temperature, she placed the plates inside to prevent the meal from getting cold.

Her eyes flew to the clock again. It was thirty minutes to six. Judging the distance of the bakery, Peeta would arrive about five after six.

A simple candelabra was the center piece of the table, placed delicately over a pristine white tablecloth. Katniss lit the candles on the table and around the house to set the lighting a bit lower. She hurriedly cleaned the kitchen, drying the last of the dishes and placing them in their appropriate spots.

She gave the dining room a once over, satisfied with her work. Taking note of her own state, Katniss darted to the bathroom and took a quick shower. She quickly towel dried her hair and headed to her room. To her disliking she saw that Venia had laid out an outfit for her on her bed. She must have somehow overhead her plans for tonight. Katniss begrudingly stepped into the high waisted shorts, grimacing at the fact that the swell of her bottom was an inch away from being exposed. She pulled a shimmery top over her head. Sighing in relief, she was happy that she didn't have to do anything with her hair. It pooled around her shoulders and onto her chest in soft waves. Although Octavia set out a small vanity set, Katniss refused to apply makeup; the outfit was enough for her.

Downstairs she could hear the grandfather clock chime. Quickly slipping into some flats, Katniss ran down the stairs, pulling the plates from the oven and placing them carefully onto the table. She served a small amount of salad onto the plate joining the venison strips. Placing large wine glasses by the plates, she carefully poured the beverage and set the bottle onto the table.

Katniss took a few steps back to view the dinner table from the door. It looked simply breathtaking. Her mouth watered at the sight of the nicely pink venison strips. The soft candlelight made her heart flutter. Suddenly an intrusive thought adopting the sound of Haymitch's voice interrupted her moment of admiration. _This looks like a date_. Her heart drop at the realization of this disturbing thought and felt a slight panic rush over her.

Before she could make any alterations there was a rapping at the door behind her. Katniss jumped, whirling around to face the door. Her heart pounded in her chest and she was asking herself why she was so nervous.

Smoothing down the front of her shirt, she cleared her throat and opened the door. Peeta stood at the doorstep dressed in his usual working attire at the bakery yet Katniss couldn't help but be transfixed at the moment.

This was the first time she actually got a good look at him. The blonde hair was speckled with flour and she noticed he sported a smear on his cheek. A sweat stain appeared at the collar of white shirt that clung to rippling muscles Katniss failed to notice before. Her heart skipped a beat when she scoped the hard planes of his body, the contours and definition making her mouth dry. The scent of yeast and sweat came to her nose and her knees went weak for a moment. And his skin; the scars were visible but it appeared the skin graft treatment blended with his palor much better than hers did. It seemed as if everything was like before; before the rebellion, the Quell, the games. The only thing that was a startling difference was that Peeta Mellark was no longer a boy. Although she had made this observation before at their first reunion, she was now exposed to the entrancing young man standing before her.

She watched the corner of his mouth twitch as her eyes landed on his lips. It stretched into a smirk. He then spoke that snapped her out of whatever she was in. "Katniss you'll catch flies if you leave your mouth open for too long." She found herself immediately shutting her mouth, her face heating in embarrassment. Clearing her throat once more she then backed away.

"Happy birthday," she said and managed to crack a smile although the effort was almost painful after that humiliating moment.

"Wow," Peeta said, taking in her current attire. Katniss was hoping for a lovely comment about her outfit, but all he said was, "I must be underdressed." For some reason she felt this sinking feeling, as if her expectations weren't met. She caught herself clenching her teeth and realized, _I can't stand the new Peeta_. Instead she said, "Oh no, I'm the idiot that overdressed for this occassion." Her sardonic attitude wasn't helping and she knew once Peeta shot her a look of confusion.

Shaking her head, she clarified, "I mean, don't worry about it, you look great." She then plastered on what she hoped to be a genuine smile. At the moment she could hear the affronting voice of her mentor jeering the sentence 'you make me sick' in her head. She swallowed. Why was this so difficult to make this evening pleasant? Why did she feel like she had to pretend? It was the Hunger Games all over again, except this time she was forced to like this new version of Peeta.

_You don't have to like him_, she told herself, but as she looked into his blue eyes, she knew it wasn't coercion that had her prepare this dinner. _I want to like him_. Coming to that conclusion, she took a deep breath and stepped aside.

Peeta gasped as he took view of the dinner table. He had not expected a dinner as grand as the one Katniss prepared. He'd expected maybe a simple broth with some bread and tea, or maybe a rabbit stew. But this; he was blown away.

"Katniss," he said in awe as he approached the table, "you didn't have to do this for me." Watching him in his awestruck state caused the realest smile to form on her face. "It's the least I could do. Hopefully it's enough to redeem myself after being such a jerk," she replied as she watched him smooth a hand over the white tablecloth. He looked over at her, a sparkle in his eyes that left her breathless. "It's more than enough," he beamed.

Katniss walked over to the table and grabbed the two glasses filled with wine, handing one to him. She raised her glass, signaling she was about to make a toast. "To the birthday boy," she toasted as she looked at him from the top of her glass. "To this wonderful dinner," he toasted and they clinked glasses. Peeta took a hearty sip and made a sound of approval.

"This is delicious," he said, taking another sip of the red wine. "Thanks, it pairs well with the meal," she said and pulled out a chair for him. "I never knew you could be so gentlemanly," he teased as he took his seat. "Anything for the pretty lady," she wittly replied, earning a small chuckle from Peeta.

Once Peeta took a bite of the strips he completely melted. "This is so good," he said between mouthfuls. Katniss smiled but a few minutes later she found herself stuffing her mouth as well. It had been so long since she had eaten anything with a taste of home. Thankfully she had prepared a few more steaks and didn't bother cutting them into strips for the both of them. Instead they tore at it with their cutlery, washing down the venison with glass after glass of wine. They didn't talk. Both of them were so immersed with their meals that as soon as they were finished, the two of them sat back in their chair, sighing contently. Both cheeks stained red from the heady wine.

Peeta consumed another glass of wine as Katniss lazily swished hers in her hand. "That was probably the best I've eaten in months," Peeta said with a tone of satisfaction. "I'm glad to be of service to a friend," Katniss replied with a small smile.

He breathed a laugh and Katniss gave him a puzzled look. "Friend," he repeated. "That's a word I'll have to get used to." Her ambling thoughts came to a halt. Was she coming on too strong? Or was he just being the smug new Peeta? Katniss wished she could have backpedaled a few seconds. But the damage was already done.

"What do you mean?" she asked tentatively, not sure if she wanted to know. "It's been a long time since I've had that kind of relationship," he explained. "I don't really have any friends, except if you count Haymitch, but having a drunk comrade is more like having an absent comrade." Katniss took the initiative to pour themselves another glass. "What are you talking about, I'm here right now," she joked and he laughed as he took a glass. Immediately the smile vanished.

"But everyone in the village likes you," Katniss then objected, finding his previous statement hard to believe. "Just because I earned a little attention out of goodwill doesn't mean I'm swarming with friends," he replied, a grimace taking over his face. "Sometimes it's hard to deal with this popularity." At the moment, it seemed as if he was coming off as smug, but Katniss couldn't get passed his genuine features. Perhaps it was the wine that muddled her keen judgement.

"Although we've all gone through some hell, it's hard to relate. No one seems to get me," he continued and for some reason Katniss could feel a heaviness in her heart. Peeta poured himself another glass, sipping at it, carrying a disheartened expression. "The only person that could relate to me wasn't there," he finished. A sadness invaded his once happy features. Katniss could now identify the heavy feeling; it was guilt. Instead of trying any attempts to console him she stared into her wine as if it was more interesting at this moment.

The silence spanned out into a few minutes until Peeta spoke. "That's it? You're just going to sit there?" Katniss's head shot up, surprised by his words. "Well, say something." There was a pleading look in his eyes that only left her more speechless than before. She opened and closed her mouth, hoping sound and words would form but nothing came. He caught her at her worst skill. Katniss was not good at saying something.

"Nothing. No explanation?" he prodded at her and Katniss suddenly erupted. "There's nothing to explain Peeta!" He gave a condescending laugh. "So you just up and left, without explanation," he mocked. Katniss could feel her face heat in anger. "I left because I had to," she shouted across the table, gripping hard at her wine glass. "What exactly did you have to do?" Peeta pried, causing Katniss's anger to boil.

"I couldn't stand it here. I had to do something to make me better," she said in exasperation. Peeta scoffed. "Typical. Always running away, too afraid to cope." Katniss's mouth fell open. "Actually I did cope and if you don't mind me adding, I'm a lot better than I was a year ago."

"Of course you look better, all _shiny and new_," he replied, his words punctuated with a tone of malice. Katniss stood from her seat, huffing as she did so. "You don't know what you're talking about, you're drunk!" she exclaimed, prying the wine bottle from his hands. She quickly filled her glass as Peeta soon snatched the bottle away from her and did the same. "Here we go again, running away from the problem," he said pointedly and took a large swig from his glass. Katniss downed hers in response.

"I didn't run away! I was being," she tried to find the right word, knowing that Peeta could win at a verbal fight any day, but she was too damn stubborn to give him that victory. "Patriotic!" she said, extremely satisfied with her word choice.

Peeta than broke out in laughter, shaking his head. Katniss stared in shock, never witnessing such nasty behavior from the boy she thought she knew. Once he finished laughing, the condescending smile wiped from his features, replaced by a menacing scowl. His face darkened and his eyes pierced into her.

"You know, for a moment I believed it; I believed you changed. But now as I look back, watching you gallivant like all those idiotic puppets on television, I'm certain of it," Peeta said in a deep voice. Katniss stared wide eyed. It was as if there was an unpleasant stranger sitting at her dining table. She didn't like him.

"You did change. Before I thought you were just a Capitol mutt," he spat and Katniss flinched at the ferocity of his words. "But you're worse. You're the Capitol's _lapdog_."

The next series of scenes happened so quickly, she wasn't sure if it were real.

She slapped him, the strike ringing in the silent dining room. A red handprint glowed on his cheek and for a moment Katniss was stunned she had just hit him.

For a second she was staring at a shocked Peeta. Then, it was as if he stepped out of the room and another Peeta emerged, leaping from his seat, eyes glowing maddenly and tackling her to the ground. His body pressed her to the floor, struggling against his entire core. Once he added more weight she was helplessly pinned. Katniss attempted to lift her hips and manuever her legs around his waist. Peeta almost had her in a full mount, but she sweeped her legs under him, catching him in a guard. She then heaved with as much strength possible, flipping him over.

Katniss straddled his chest, pinning his arms with her legs. She knew Peeta was an unbeatable opponent when it came to grappling so she took no hesitation delivering a blow to his face. Peeta clutched his nose, growling out in pain. Katniss climbed off him and scrambled to any room, any place away from him. To her dismay she heard his footfalls closely behind being heavily pursued.

Turning a corner, Katniss barrelled blindly into a room, spun around to shut the door and lock it but then was brutually shoved, knocking the air from her lungs. She sprawled onto the bed of the guest bedroom. Peeta sprung onto her, straddling her to the bed, hands circling around her throat.

This would be the night he'll actually finish his deed of murder, Katniss thought horrifyingly as her hands flew to his that were now crushing her windpipe. She clutched at his fingers, trying desperately to pry them from her neck, but she was failing. It was getting harder to breath. Her intakes of air were getting shorter as the seconds flew by.

Katniss lifted her hips once more, catching him in a guard again. She knew she would not have the strength to flip him over, not in this position. So instead, with a jolt of her body, she lifted her hips even higher and wrapped her legs around his head. She began to squeeze, her thighs constricting his neck. As she battled with her vision, she could see his face turning red. Katniss clenched her eyes shut, gritted her teeth and mustered all the strength she had to squeeze. His hands clutched deeper into her neck in response. She let out a strangled sound but still continued to squeeze, sweat pouring down her face.

To her astonishment she could feel the grip of his fingers loosen. Her eyes flew open, never faltering her vice-like grip around his throat. She took in his scarlet face, the throbbing vein in his forehead. Soon his grip slackened. He did one last struggle, encircling his fingers once more around her neck. And then he fell unconscious.

Katniss gasped for air as his grip released her. Peeta slumped over, his unconscious form falling over her. She rolled him off her and bolted from the bed. The sound of her erratic heartbeat skittered against her ribcage, blood pounding in her ears. She tried to regain her breath but found herself still gasping as she stared bewilderingly at Peeta's still body on the bed.

Suddenly, as if all clarity rushed in at this very moment, Katniss grew calm. She wiped the sweat from her mouth. Then grabbing his ankles, she said, "Happy Birthday Peeta," and dragged him off the bed.

* * *

I read this again and found MORE typos! So I decided to repost it. Hopefully it's better than before.

As for the drama, don't worry, there's more to come. Hint: an encounter with a hijacked Peeta. :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

When he gained consciousness the sensation of restriction had his eyes flying open. Eyeing his surroundings, he found himself in a dimly lit room, a bed to the right of him. By the distorted appearance of the sheets there was a struggle.

He began to rise but found himself tied down. Rope bound him to a chair. As he struggled against his bindings, he noticed his captor was skilled at knots. It seemed the harder he struggled the tighter his bindings became, constricting against his chest. In desperation he writhed in the chair causing it to wobble.

"I see you're awake." His eyes snapped to the direction of where the voice came from. A silhouette stood at the doorway, hidden in the darkness. The shadow sauntered through the doorway and slowly made its way into the light. Once the shadow was revealed, it illuminated in all its glory, shining like sun reflecting against metal. Eyes widened in horror as the shiny form smirked deviously in his direction. His struggling resumed.

Katniss watched a bewildered Peeta thrash in his seat, eyes completely dilated and teeth gnashing in wild terror. He continued to struggle, his wrists writhing against the bindings. Blood smeared the armrests of the chair.

"_Mutt_!" he shrieked. He writhed more wildly than before, a murderous frenzy replacing the look of terror in his crazed eyes. Katniss frowned. Peeta was still stuck in his episode. _He's come a long way_, she remembered Haymitch saying and silently scoffed to herself. 'Yeah, because I was away,' she thought after wondering why this was happening now.

Sighing, she gripped the knife in her hand tighter, not sure how to handle the situation. "I was hoping you'd come to, but you're definitely still under," she said in a nonchalant manner. The hijacked Peeta convulsed against his bindings, his enraged face slick with sweat. He voiced his furious struggle, untamed cries tearing from his throat. Pulling against the ropes, he emmitted a guttural growl, hoping to break free. When all was useless, he stopped his thrashing, falling limp in the chair.

A sinister laugh then bubbled up his throat, staring maniacally at Katniss. She couldn't suppress the disturbance she felt witnessing Peeta this way. "When I get out of this," he began in a low rasp, causing her skin to crawl, "I'm going to kill you." The resonance of his voice had Katniss understanding that this wasn't a threat; it was a promise.

Katniss kept up her stoic facade, hoping the slight tremors that coursed through her didn't give away her indifference. "Peeta, snap out it. It's me Katniss," she said yet knew this was a pathetic attempt to guide him back to sanity. "I know who you are," he said in a malefic banter. The hair on the nape of her neck stood on end. "Capitol mutt!" he spat, eyes flaring dangerously.

"Peeta, it's Katniss! Your Katniss!" She hoped her second attempt was more successful but knew she failed when he began to laugh once more. "Peeta's not here," he taunted while shaking his head. The hijacked Peeta then paused as if he was trying to catch sound of something. "What's that?" he said. Katniss stared at him. Peeta had not come a long way at all. In fact he took a few steps back than where he had begun. He was completely unhinged. Her thoughts were interrupted when an awful smirk spread on his lips.

"Peeta told me to tell you that he enjoyed dinner," he said to her and his smirk widened, throwing his head back to bark a maddening laugh. Katniss could feel all the color leave her face. She knew this wasn't Peeta. Of course it wasn't Peeta. But it spoke as if it was an entity of its own with the real Peeta trapped inside; as if he transitioned to this completely different person. A dark Peeta.

Going along with its game she asked, "If Peeta's not here, then why are you?"

"I'm here to protect him," the dark Peeta answered. Katniss's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why would he need you for protection?" she asked, utterly repulsed at this thought. "Don't ask me. Ask him," he said in annoyance. "He's the one that conjured me up to take him away."

"Away from what?"

"From his nightmares; from you. From Shiny Katniss."

This time Katniss laughed. "Well, you got the wrong Katniss," she said as if he had caught the wrong suspect. "I'm not Shiny Katniss," she clarified when Dark Peeta flashed her a look of doubt. "You're lying," he said, staring darkly into her eyes. "Look closer," Katniss said, walking more into the light.

Dark Peeta squinted his eyes as if he were trying to see through sunlight. After a moment of speculation he made a perplexed sound. "You aren't Shiny Katniss," he said in surprise. "I'm the other Katniss," she said, smiling a little.

She hoped this realization would have Peeta come to, to leave this dark place and return to her. But his expression of surprise morphed into distrust. The menacing look was not far away. "How do I know you won't kill me?" he asked. Katniss stifled her laugh when she realized it was a serious question.

"This Katniss doesn't kill people," she assured the Dark Peeta. He didn't seem convinced. For a moment, memories of the Hunger Games flashed in her mind. 'Doesn't kill people,' that was a complete lie.

She sighed in exasperation. "How can I get you to trust me?" she asked more to herself than him. The menacing scowl was replaced by an ominous smile. "We can play a game," he suggested. The suggestion made her stomach twist. She had a feeling his idea of a 'game' wasn't a mere play of cards. "Okay," she said as if he asked her to play Parcheesi. "What's the game?" she asked with feigned curiosity. In all honesty she didn't want to know what his game was. She didn't want to play.

"The game is you let me do whatever I want with you until Peeta comes back." Katniss swallowed hard. It was as if he proposed to play something forbidden before his parents came home. This time it was her that flashed him an unconvincing look.

"Don't take this the wrong way Katniss," he said in what she thought was an attempt to sound comforting. It didn't. It was twisted and warped and sounded more like a haunting modulation. "But I sense you need a release. There's something inside you that you need to let go. I can help you with that. It's how I help Peeta," he explained. To her horror a sickening curiosity leaked into her and she couldn't believe she was drawn to his proposal.

"Before I agree," she started, trying to hide the sudden fear that crawled inside, "we need to set some rules."

"By all means," the dark Peeta said and waited patiently.

Katniss swallowed again, her mouth suddenly dry. She cleared her throat and said, "First rule. You aren't allowed to touch me...inappropriately." To her relief his face crumbled in disgust. "Dear child, why would I want to touch something as broken as you?" She should have felt relief but to her surprise his words hurt. Katniss immediately shook off the sensation and continued with the rulemaking.

"Second, you can't kill me." Dark Peeta shook his head. "My, my. That would be mistrusting," he jeered, causing her tremors to emerge once more.

He waited expectantly for the next rule but she then said, "That's it. Not hard to follow, don't you think?" Dark Peeta smiled and her heart beat faster. "Wonderful. Now untie me so we can start the game."

Her palms became sweaty, the knife slick in her hand as she approached him. She sawed the rope slowly, every now and then stopping to see if he would suddenly spring from his bindings and kill her on the spot. He didn't. The rope fell to the floor and Katniss backed away.

Dark Peeta didn't move. His eyes were glued to the knife in her hand. Katniss dropped it to the floor. He still remained seated. She kicked the weapon away from her.

In a swift motion Dark Peeta swiped the knife from the floor and in a matter of seconds it was drawn to her neck, her arm twisted behind her back in his powerful grip. Fear flooded through her and for a moment she felt stupid for falling into this trap.

"I know what you need," he said. He pressed the knife harder against her skin. Katniss arched her neck in hopes to avoid the sharp blade. "I can see it on your leg. You show it so blatantly as if you want others to see." Katniss suddenly realized he was referring to the scar on her thigh she had given herself at District 2. Her breath quickened as his words hung heavy in the air, creating a suspense that drove her crazy.

"You want punishment. You need redemption," he whispered to her, his lips touching the shell of her ear. "I can give it to you. Will you let me?" She didn't realize he had asked for permission. As the seconds flew by, she finally nodded. She felt his lips form into a smile.

Dark Peeta released her. Then, feeling a heavy force at her back, she was kicked to the ground. Before she had time to recover he was on her, his legs pressing onto the back of her knees. She cried out but he gently shushed her. There was a ripping noise and to her horror she realized he was tearing the back of her shirt. She felt his hand fold over the hem of her shorts, the small of her back bare to him. "Trust me," he hissed.

A searing pain shot up her spine. Her eyes squeezed shut as it didn't cease. Every nerve in her body was screaming as the pain continued. She saw spots behind her eyelids. Slowly she realized he was carving into her back with the knife. Gritting her teeth she clawed at the floor, trying not to make any sound.

"It's okay to scream. It makes the game more fun," the dark Peeta said from above. A sound reverberated against her throat and she realized she was crying out as he continued to carve into her skin. As she voiced out her pain she began to feel a tingling occur in her back. It traveled up her spine. Her knees buckled under his legs. The tingles spread across the base of her skull and stretched across her scalp like tiny fingers. Her strangled cries transformed into something she couldn't identify. Before she could identify what it was, the knife retreated from her skin. A stinging remained over where it had cut her.

"There. Now everyone can see what you really are," the dark Peeta said. She heard the knife clatter to the floor, the weight of his legs vanish from the back of her knees. Another sound came and when she gathered herself to look where it came from, she saw that Peeta had collasped to the floor.

Having little time to recover, Katniss scrambled to clear the room of any evidence before he woke. The rope was thrown away, the chair wiped clean and replaced back in the dining room. She hauled Peeta's dead weight over to the bed and he plopped onto it, lifeless as before. Katniss made sure to position him on his side in case he would vomit. After the moment had subsided she realized that the two of them had a lot to drink. His wrists were raw from fighting against the bindings. What lie would she have to come up with for that? He'd see right through it.

She watched him breathe heavily, sleeping soundly as if he had put himself to bed moments ago. When she was sure he wasn't going to rouse Katniss left the room and closed the door behind her. Climbing the stairs to her own bedroom, she headed to the bathroom. A draft hit the skin on her back and she faintly remembered her top had been torn. The cold air made the cut sting. Upon entering the bathroom, she turned on the lights and discarded the ripped shirt to the floor.

Katniss faced the mirror. A few bruises spotted around her throat but were thankfully too faint to bring up any attention. Turning around, she looked over her shoulder at her reflection. She hadn't felt the blood trickling from the wound and traveling down her leg. Grabbing a towel, she pressed it onto the cut, stopping the blood flow. She carefully wiped away the sticky liquid and could see the cut more clearly. On the small of her back she sported red angry letters that had her momentarily grow lightheaded. The jagged letters formed the word "MUTT".

Staring at Peeta's handiwork, the tingling sensation returned, spreading throughout her body like a current of buzzing electricity. She became lightheaded once more, but relished in the feeling. Her mouth twitched and shortly she realized she was smiling.

* * *

I know it's short but I had this finished for about a month now and thought I should post it. I'm not sure when I'll get back to writing. Quite busy this summer. Well, hope you enjoyed.


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